Wrist-locked.

The pain seared through the tendons in my wrist. All I could do was cry out the verbal white flag of "Tap! Tap! Tap!" I was beaten. And I was glad. I smiled and wiped the sweat from my forehead, opening and closing my left hand, palpating my narrow wrist to make sure all was in order. It was. "What was that?" I asked.

It was a failure of the most glorious and epic proportions. Off the controlled environment of the jiu jitsu mats, minimally I would be looking at a broken wrist. I would have been defending myself with one arm from a bigger, stronger and more skilled opponent. 

Later on, I found myself mounted by a black belt, arms pinned overhead. On the street, they would have been able to tee off on my head, and I would have been able to do little about it but cover my face and try to buck them off. In the jiu jitsu laboratory, it became an exploration of angles and leverage, on using one escape to set up another. 

The only actual destruction on the mats is of the ego, and that is therapeutic. Two lessons, both of which could potentially save my life, both of which were born out of failure. On the mat and off the mat, failure is a cause for celebration. It is failure that brings us closer to where we want to be.

A skeptic's guide to New Year's resolutions.

Happy new year. As much as I loathe to write it, this is a post about resolutions. You're probably thinking, loathe is a strong word. Here's why I chose it.

I don't believe a new calendar hanging on your wall is the best reason to resolve to change. I think the best time to initiate change is right now. Or, more accurately, the best time to change was yesterday.

However, after spending time with Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations," I've come to appreciate that the nature of the universe is change. It's a constant. And to stand in the way of change -- particularly any reason at all to change for the better -- is to get crushed under the weight of the universe.

For the reason at the beginning of the previous paragraph, I've never had a new year's resolution, and I think that has been to my detriment. This year, I have nine. These are the big four:

1. Be more useful to others.
2. Blog three times per month.
3. Mediate for at least five minutes, three times per week.
4. Read a book per month.

You'll notice a common thread with three of four: they're measurable. I'm using Way of Life, a fantastic habit building and breaking app I heard about on a recent episode of the Tim Ferriss Show, to track my progress. Four days into the new year, all systems are go. Keeping things measurable has been critical. Here's why.

Before broadening my fitness horizons, I was a gym rat who dreaded the first week of January. I didn't dread it because the gym was crowded, or because the new members didn't know what they were doing, but more so, it was because the majority would be gone by the next week.

What was especially frustrating and depressing was that with a slight adjustment to their approach, I knew their new habit would stick. Here is an example of an adjustment I made to one of my other resolutions. Italic type is the rough draft. Bold type is the final cut. 

• Get better at Jiu Jitsu and earn my blue belt.
• Train Jiu Jitsu at least three times per week.

First, the obvious: one is measurable, the other isn't. Second, not so obvious. Let's look at the philosophy in the rough draft. It's goal-oriented. I'm a goal-oriented person (it's something I'm trying to change, but that's a post for another day). But getting to blue belt, or any belt -- or really, any arbitrary milestone in life -- has a way of leading to shortcuts and a loss of appreciation for the journey.

It also sets you up for total derailment if you hit a setback. What if I trained every day and didn't get the promotion? I'm more likely to give up on the resolution, or maybe on Jiu Jitsu.

By resolving to train three times a week, I'm better positioning myself for success for three reasons:

1. I can measure my progress.
2. I'm likely to better appreciate the journey.
3. I'm likely to absorb more Jiu Jitsu because I'm grounded in the present, not looking ahead toward a milestone.

Back to the gym example. Instead of resolving to lose 15 pounds (measurable, but not unlike my blue belt example) or resolving to get fit (kind of like resolving to get better at Jiu Jitsu), I'd advocate for resolving to exercise three times a week. Tying exercise to a place -- the gym -- adds another point of failure to the fitness equation. Besides, you can get better exercise for free all over the internet. I'd recommend getting yourself a light kettlebell and checking out Fitness Blender.

This concept doesn't just apply to fitness. The same is true of my mediation resolution. The bar is set low: only five minutes, only three times a week. That's intentional. I've made the onset of forming the habit as easy and accessible as possible. I know I can manage five minutes, and that makes me optimistic that I'll work up to longer sessions at greater frequency.

Of my big-four resolutions, the first -- be more useful to others -- is neither specific nor quantifiable. That makes it difficult to sustain. However, it's supported by the next three -- chiefly, blogging three times per month. It's my hope to make this blog more useful to you in 2016. My deepest thanks to you for reading. 

Intentions | Survival

“The theme of the white belt is survival, nothing more and nothing less. After all, this is what the white belt has to do from the first day of class. He is not going to arrive in class and beat the best. He has no one to whom he can compare himself because he is still an empty vessel. Although one often takes up jiu-jitsu to learn submissions, the first lesson for the beginner is survival. Before he moves on, the white belt must become a survivor.”

— Jiu-Jitsu University, by Saulo Ribeiro

After a week-and-a-half hiatus from the mats, I'm back to practicing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. It amazes me how a new practice can become so integral to my routine that being away for a short period of time is enough to get me down. But that affirms how beneficial BJJ is.

It felt great to be back at the Sunday morning white belt fundamentals class. The lesson was a good reinforcement on lapel chokes. I rolled three or four times, once with a brown belt and once with a blue belt. I had no answers for what they were throwing at me, and did my best to avoid situations that would result in me having to tap out.

But I was able to surprise a few of the higher-ranking white belts. Inevitably, though, I'd overextend myself, make a mistake, and get caught in some kind of submission. Tap. Repeat. Just like the sparring sessions with the higher ranks.

Later in the day, I was at home nursing my wounds when I came across the passage at the top of the post. It brought me back to earth. I've taken the first few steps of what will be a long journey. Reaching for submissions, overextending myself and making mistakes amount to trying to sprint before I can crawl.

There's also something liberating about being "an empty vessel," as Ribeiro says. It takes ego out of the equation. He writes, "Practice jiu-jitsu with a childlike mind. Have you ever considered why children have such an accelerated learning curve? Part of the reason is that they are more concerned with enjoyment than ego. Try to envelop yourself in a child's naivety."